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dementedxcore - talk about your issues

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[Jan. 9th, 2005|10:16 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

dementedxcore

[gothikbutterfly]
[Current Mood |soresore]

here's a rant to flamers i found on a forum (www.gaiaonline.com) and i wanted to share... but... it can be triggering to cutters (trust me... it is... >.<)  and if you're afraid to go back to cutting or are trying to stop, don't look at the rest of this entry... k?  thanks! :)


this is written by a girl that goes by the screen name "I_am_a_girl_in_RL" and the link back to the forums is here



If you think that having a problem with self injury is funny, guess again.
This is inteneded to inform you just how CRAPPY it feels to be addicted to hurting yourself. Not everyone is doing it just for attention.

*possibly TRIGGERING to SIs*






if you are a flamer:
You can never imagine how crappy things can get for you to feel that you need to do this. Go ahead and try it, we don't care, just be prepared.

Be prepared to being addicted to slashing up your skin every time something bad happens just for one minute of release or distraction, thats how bad things can get.

Be prepared to wear long sleeves and pants in 100 + degree weather, while playing sports, and thus being at risk for heat-stroke, just because you slipped and forgot to plan ahead.

Be prepared to make up excuses to why you can't go swimming in the pool in this weather, even though you will fail a class or be sent home from camp for the day because of it. Especially if you are a guy, it would be harder to explain because you coulsn't use the "I've got my period and I can't use a tampon" excuse.

Be prepared to subcontiously prepare yourself and carry razors and bandages around with you, all the time, just incase. You don't mean to do this, it just happens, like you're in a trance.

Be prepared to be so addicted, and convinced that this is okay, that this will get you through, that it becomes a second nature for you. You will soon start to believe your pitiful little montras that get you day to day. You wonder why other people say its bad, you believe its the best thing thats happened to you you're whole little life.

Be prepared to get to the point where you feel the NEED to do this, so that you feel better, so that you feel somewhat in control, when really, you're racing out of control, one blurry, smeared red line after another.

Be prepared to be jealous of yourself, because, in a strange way, you want to make things worse, just so that you will pay attention to yourself, so that you feel like you have a vaild problem, and deserve help. Not so others will coddle you, and feel sorry for you, just so you will pay attention to yourself. This can be set on by anything, usually seeing someone else's cuts/scarrs, or hearing someone else's story of SI.

Be prepared to have fresh cuts on your body ALL THE TIME!!

Be prepared to suddenly jolt upright when someone gets near the part of your body that you cut on, so its almost like you have a smoke detector that beeps loudly in your ear every time someone comes near your body. Even in your sleep, it will work. If someone comes near your body in the morning to wake you up, soon you will have a reflex to grab your sleeve, or tuck your leg in under you, the second you regain conciousness.

Be prepared to have someone violate you, by grabbing your arm, and roughly pulling up your sleeve, revealing cuts, that they then ridicule and touch. You will, most likely, never feel this kind of violation, unless you are sexually harassed.

Be prepared to have them chafe and iritate and open up and RIP APART when you fall or get pushed or hit, be prepared to grin and bear it, no matter how bad the pain is, (weather it be like a paper-cut, or being stabbed several times), for fear of being found out.

Be prepared to supress tears at any given moment.

Be prepared, so that when a friend asks you whats wrong, or why they saw cuts/scars on your body, you have an excuse that will take care of it all. Even if you don't have a cat, or were never in that famed bicycle accident you seem to blame everything on.

Be prepared to be found out accidentally, be prepared to loose more than you EVER have to gain.

Be prepared to have your parents beat you, because of what they found out, only as they are coming toward you, they look more dangerous than ever, they are not after beating you, they are after killing you this time. Sadly, they don't succeed, you are left there, bleeding, the next day, you are still there, you've broken your leg in 3 places, and your arm is hurt, you don't know how badly. You cannot move, or scream for help. All you know is that you need out, but where? How?

Be prepared to get a gift on holiday, only to find out its a new T-shirt or miniskirt from your brother or whoever, whom you love more than anything in the world.

Be prepared to explain why you are returning it, "I don't like the color" "it doesn't fit" you say "I hate this" (even though you LOVE It and it kills you to return it, because you know you'll have to explain to your brother or whoever gave it to you later).

Be prepared to tell people you love, with no inkling or thoughts about how they will react, or anything for that matter. They might help you through, they might never talk to you again.

Be prepared to have said brother or individual leave you, punish you, and hurt you, just because you slipped up and started self-injuring. Everybody makes mistakes, few can forgive themselves AND others.

After you've decided to stop:

Be prepared to endure one of the hardest trials of your life, I hate to make this sound like a fantasy novel, but its true, few make it out alive, AND fully healed.

Be prepared to be triggered by anything and everything around you that makes you feel upset. This can be music, that you can't listen to anymore, even though it is your very favorite, because it will give you an unbearable, strong, un-predictable urge.

Be prepared to wear rubber-bands on your wrist all the time, to snap as hard as possible when you get an urge. Be prepared to explain why you do that.

Be prepared to be tempted by the sight of blood, on TV, in movies, ANYWHERE.

Be prepared to be tempted by the sight of knives, or shiny silver objects.

Be prepared to have urges all the time, and CONSTANTLY judge yourself and hate yourself for your mistakes.

Be prepared to quit something, that is proven to be up to 10 times harder to quit than smoking and a lot of other drugs.

Be prepared to face your children, grandchilren, relatives, family, friends, loved ones, whatever, explaining to them, that, when you were their age, you had serious problems.

Be prepared to have it on your mind ALL OF THE TIME. CONSTANTLY thinking about it, wondering if people are going to figure it out, wondering if people know, just by loooking at you, talking to you, or touching you, even though that is one of the most unlikely possibilities.


And lastly,
Be prepared to loose everything. Your social life, your friends, your family's closeness (if they were EVER close AT ALL), you're pride, you're strength, you're health, you're cool new T-shirts and mini-skirts.

Be prepared to loose your life!






*TIGGER OVER*


I do not mean to burst your precious little bubbles, flamers, but I'm sick and tired of this. You think everyone is trying to do it for attention. I won't lie, some people are, but most people honestly have a problem.

Next time you want to flame, be realistic. You will never know how bad things are for another person, ever, unless you are in their EXACT position. Same people, same food, same color jeans. Same brand of milk had with breakfast.

Just stop flaming self-injurers. No one likes you any more or any less because you've flamed us. Wait, scratch that, we like you less, infact we hate you.

If you want us to stop, and are flaming us because we aren't, then you are being a large, stupid, fumbling hypocrite. Flames only set us off more, no, not to cut, mind you, just to yell and scream until the cows (your ickle mommy's) come home. No-one is gaining anything by your flames.

Intollerance comes from ignorance, you ignorant pigs.

If you are so low that you need to diss people to make them feel like hurting themselves, just to boost your ego that tiny, un-measurable little bit, then you, yourself, might want to seek help.


EDIT=== > Why do people who used to SI flame and/OR loook down apon people who still do, its just not right...


Queen_e.d.
EDIT=== > I changed my avatar and its gender, I AM a girl, I just wanted to see what mens clothing there is!
  



it struck so close to home for me, and most of them are true for cutters...  just had to share this... oh, and, i didn't edit it at all, so, yeah... ^.^

LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: psychter
2005-01-10 11:06 pm (UTC)
Wow...that's a really great rant. Thanks for posting it. It makes me realize how much SI controls my life, even in small ways that add up--changing what I wear, avoiding triggering music/movies, etc. I think the kind of people who flame cutters have a lot of misconceptions about SI and that is where their hurtful comments come from. They think people do it for attention (the majority don't), that SIers are suicidal, or that, as one person on that thread said, they are weak. And it's wrong that people would take such low shots at those who are already so deeply hurt already.

x psychter
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