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It was really hard to get up this morning. I woke up, and then I… - dementedxcore [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

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[Jan. 20th, 2005|10:12 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

dementedxcore

[psychter]
It was really hard to get up this morning. I woke up, and then I just kept sitting up, telling myself I had to go to school, think of something I didn't want to deal with today, and then lie back down. I did end up going, although I'm not sure what my motivation ended up being. I feel this way about a lot of things in my life, like two parts of me are always arguing with each other. Sometimes I think of them as being a rational and irrational part, though I'm not sure if that's really an accurate decision. This morning, the rational side won out. But most of the time, it seems like the irrational part wins, the part that wins when I DON'T get out of bed, or when I cut, or whenever I do anything else bad to myself. I wish I knew how to get rid of that voice, the part of me that takes everything negative in my life and controls me with it. But most of the time I can't seem to say no to it. Eh...am I making any sense? Does anyone understand what I mean?
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Comments:
From: thebottlecurse
2005-01-21 12:30 pm (UTC)
I totally can relate. Even though I have pretty good control over my cutting, the voice is still there. It makes me give in and do things that I know I'll regret later - like drinking until I'm sick, smoking an entire pack of cigarettes in one night, things like that. I think that voice will always be there, I don't think there is a way to get rid of it. I think it's more a matter of making that rational voice stronger and stronger through reading, research, and talking to close friends... It's sort of a Smeagol / Gollum situation... : ) Hope you feel better!
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[User Picture]From: incognitoruin
2006-08-29 12:23 pm (UTC)

Completely

I can completely understand what your saying, which kind of gives me some relief. I'm always battling with myself as if there are two or more people inside my body starting a war on eachother... and my body is just this dead carcass that gets manovered by the one that wins.

... Pheebs xx
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