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My first post.. So i'll introduce myself.. + stuff - dementedxcore [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

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My first post.. So i'll introduce myself.. + stuff [Feb. 19th, 2005|04:17 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

dementedxcore

[fabolouzwitegrl]
Well, My name is Kristy, I'm only 20 years old and pregnant right now. I'm 7 months woho! =) Being pregnant is the thing I have a problem with it's the childs father and I actually just gave for some advice since I'm sure people are going through what he is or have been through it. It's about his addiction. He's honestly trying really hard to change. he's an older man (38) and he's been hooked for a while. He started rehab through his probation last week. I don't think it's gong to help but I guess all anyone can really do is hope, and pray and wish he can become a daddy and a boyfriend to me and his baby.

Now onto my problem and how I feel about it and questions about how to help and what to say.


Well, it's been a year this month we have been together and I didn't find out he was on crack until he was locked up for a dirty urine two months after we were together. I figured jail would help him be clean considering he was there for three months. He came out and moved back in with his ex because things happened between us while he was in jail and he was hooked once again. He's a nice guy though he treats me great even when he does he get high it's just his habit is now more important then me and this baby. We and Dana have been together since we found out I was pregnant and been faithful (that i've known of even though he does act shady sometimes and if he does cheat it's the drugs doing it but i'm here to believe he hasn't) We have friends down in Philly and we went to drop one off yesterday (he paid gas, toll and 80 dollars to us for the ride home) We are broke so we did it. There was a guy at the house that asked Dana (my bf) for a ride and Dana gave him one. I guess the guy had crack on him and this guy went in a house for like a half hour and Dana took about 300 dollars worth. And he told me he was going to get rid of it for money and blah blah blah which i don't agree with either but I would rather that then him do it. But he smoked the hole way home and i droped him off at his place and went to my moms because I was upset and didn't want to have to deal with that the rest of the night. His work called at 7:30 at my moms asking if he could go in so I called and he turned it down (he hasn't went to bed yet prolly cuz he smoked most that shit) He had work from 11-4 today atleast that's what i was told. and he stoped by my moms house at 11:30 and asked to get something out of my car whcih i found out was a huge rock. ;( and i was like why are you taking that you have work and your late. he's like some body wants it.. so i just went on with my day and at 3:30 i was putting on my shoes to go get Dana from work and he calls my cell phone and he says he need a ride (he's way away from his work) I asked him why he wasn't at work he said he got off at 2;00 my mom lives 2 blocks from his job he said he was walking to his house and stoped at a pay phone to call me.. he has to be lying. I'm sure he went some where and smoked that crack. He was in a bad neighborhood but i called and asked everyone i knew if they been with Dana today and everyone said no. So i don't know what to do. But i'm hurt and it breaks my heart because he gets drug tested twice a week and since it's through his probation he'll get locked up if it's hot. WHICH it is.. :( and our baby is due in less then 3 months so i'm so hurt and I just have this feeling i'm going to be doing this by myself and my daughter is not going to have a decent father. I see Dana wants to stop but how do i help him what do i say. I just hold my tears back from him and try not to start anything. When he got in the car I asked so where were u since you weren't at work. Cuz he couldn't of wnet in an half hour late or they would of called and said something.. and he wouldn't of gotten off at 2. I'm worried I'm scared and I need help for my man. I want to help but i know it's his choice but where do I go from here.. and still be with him and by his side. what do i say to maybe make him wake up. I just want to tell him so bad " when your clean call me till then i can't be with you" but i just cant let h im go he needs me right now.

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Comments:
From: gntlover50
2006-11-17 09:16 pm (UTC)

Not a good situation

I'll try not to jump to conclusions about Dana. A year ago, my son, my first-born child by my ex-wife, died. He'd been away from meth and other drugs and alcohol for 90 days. Sometimes those things just happen, he had a seizure and no one found him until much too late. He was 34 and had been an addict for 10 years - possibly longer. He was married for nine years until his wife realized he was only going to drag her down with him. My son couldn't understand until he was sober again, why I felt his ex-wife had done the right thing. He blamed all his problems on her and meth tends to trigger violent outbursts. Basically, she still stays in touch with us and she really loved him, but it was becoming dangerous for her to stay with him.

You're absolutely right that Dana needs help, but he must also REALLY want to break the cycle of addiction. No one else can do it for him and you should not put yourself or your baby at risk. I'd have given anything to help my son, but he simply wasn't ready to get help.
My son't mother (my first wife) is an alcoholic and is married to husband #4, who's also an alcoholic. I couldn't help her, as much as I wanted to.
She left me for another guy, who didn't care that she drank and smoked pot.

I know the heartbreak that this causes for everyone. I'm not saying that you should give up on Dana. Just that you need to do what's best for you and your baby, regardless of what Dana does.

By the way, my daughter, who's now 34 has a 16-year-old daughter (do the math) She was a single parent, then married briefly, divorced until she married again in 2005. She went through a lot too.

My final thought is that if you can't depend on Dana, you'll be constantly worrying about what will happen next. Sweetie, you don't need a 38-year-old child to baby-sit. You deserve much better!
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