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dementedxcore - talk about your issues

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Just For Today [Apr. 12th, 2005|10:39 am]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

[Current Mood |geeky]
[Current Music |Yellowcard, 'Twenty Three']

Hey, y'all! I know it's been awhile since I've posted. Sorry about that. ;___; I still love y'all!! <3<3<3 X infinity. ^_^

My grandmother found something in the newspaper a few years ago that she thought I would like. The clipping is in bad shape, so I typed it up in Word. I really enjoyed it, and reading over it again made me think of my problems and how I try to do things for the future, never for the present. It helped put things in perspective for me.

I thought y'all might like it as well. I'm not going to put it in a cut, 'cause I know people hardly ever click those. x_o;; But if someone gets upset 'cause I didn't, tell me, and I'll put it in a cut for ya.


Author unknown

Just for today, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

Just for today, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can and accept those I cannot.

Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought, and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I will not speak ill of others. I’ll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. I’ll refrain from improving anyone except myself.

Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I’m a smoker, I’ll quit. If I’m overweight, I’ll eat healthily – if only for today. And just for today, I’ll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it’s only around the block.

Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my actions.
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(no subject) [Mar. 4th, 2005|11:28 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |my console // eiffle 65]

[le sigh]Collapse )
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My first post.. So i'll introduce myself.. + stuff [Feb. 19th, 2005|04:17 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

Well, My name is Kristy, I'm only 20 years old and pregnant right now. I'm 7 months woho! =) Being pregnant is the thing I have a problem with it's the childs father and I actually just gave for some advice since I'm sure people are going through what he is or have been through it. It's about his addiction. He's honestly trying really hard to change. he's an older man (38) and he's been hooked for a while. He started rehab through his probation last week. I don't think it's gong to help but I guess all anyone can really do is hope, and pray and wish he can become a daddy and a boyfriend to me and his baby.

Now onto my problem and how I feel about it and questions about how to help and what to say.
just a rant.. Collapse )
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(no subject) [Feb. 4th, 2005|05:31 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |garbage - silence is golden]

Just a thought. I wrote this a couple of months ago in my journal userinfo...

"But you know what? You have to live life for the moment. Take every second and enjoy it. My time at uni will be a constant reminder to me about just how low my mood and quality of life can go. I never intend to put myself in that position again, and neither should anybody else. If you feel upset or sad or angry at something, CHANGE IT. And don't listen to country music, new scientist says it increases the rate of suicides amoungst Americans (the rest of the world not studied)"

...I know it's not much help, but I like how it sounds. I like the message. The problem in my case is that i've changed things as far as they can, and until I get a job and get out of my parent's house and somewhere with the boi, they can't change again. But... Its just something I like to keep on my info.
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(no subject) [Jan. 21st, 2005|08:15 am]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues
[Current Mood |awake]
[Current Music |Coheed and Cambria]

Very frustrated.

I'm taking something all-natural to help me sleep, because when I'm having my bipolar "ups," they come with insomnia. For some reason, I only sleep halfway through the night. I wake up at like, around four in the morning, and can't fall back asleep. So then, I have to lay there because my husband can't sleep unless I'm in bed, and all I can do is think all these miserable things... about infidelity and how my friend Callie is getting married to someone she shouldn't, and how my ex-best friend hates me...

It sucks and I hate not being able to sleep. Sleep is the only time my mind gets its rest.
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2005|10:12 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

It was really hard to get up this morning. I woke up, and then I just kept sitting up, telling myself I had to go to school, think of something I didn't want to deal with today, and then lie back down. I did end up going, although I'm not sure what my motivation ended up being. I feel this way about a lot of things in my life, like two parts of me are always arguing with each other. Sometimes I think of them as being a rational and irrational part, though I'm not sure if that's really an accurate decision. This morning, the rational side won out. But most of the time, it seems like the irrational part wins, the part that wins when I DON'T get out of bed, or when I cut, or whenever I do anything else bad to myself. I wish I knew how to get rid of that voice, the part of me that takes everything negative in my life and controls me with it. But most of the time I can't seem to say no to it. Eh...am I making any sense? Does anyone understand what I mean?
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2005|04:37 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues
[Current Mood |tiredtired]

Hello, I just joined this community - All the cool people have communities and I want to be in one. Okay, I'll keep it brief -

My name is Kaylynn, I'm 19. I got married a little over a year ago, to a boy one year younger than me. He was 17 when we married, I was 18. I am without a job and without a goal or aim in life. In late October, my husband had sex with another girl - during a drunken, foolish, very sexually permissive night. I chose to stay with him because we love eachother and because I know he's sorry. I am an ex-cutter and I've been diagnosed with bipolar II and borderline traits. This made the cheating experience extra hard. Being without a job, I'm without proper therapy or meds, and am trying all-natural treatments and seeking some measure of balance and happiness.

I hope I can just come here when having my "bad" days, and find support from others going through similar things. <3!
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(no subject) [Jan. 9th, 2005|10:16 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

[Current Mood |soresore]

here's a rant to flamers i found on a forum (www.gaiaonline.com) and i wanted to share... but... it can be triggering to cutters (trust me... it is... >.<)  and if you're afraid to go back to cutting or are trying to stop, don't look at the rest of this entry... k?  thanks! :)

this is written by a girl that goes by the screen name "I_am_a_girl_in_RL" and the link back to the forums is here

... read at your own risk ...Collapse )</span>

it struck so close to home for me, and most of them are true for cutters...  just had to share this... oh, and, i didn't edit it at all, so, yeah... ^.^

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... [Jan. 6th, 2005|12:50 am]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]

Ok... wow... I am sooo stressed right now! My fiancé and I are in the process of adopting an 8-month old girl named Tia from a teenage mother. Tia is living with us right now, but this is the hardest part: the birthmother has the right to take back the child within 30 days of the initial adoption. I just looked at my calender and their are still 26 days to go!! What if she changes her mind and wants Tia back? I don't think I could take that, I've fallen completely in love with her, I feel as if she's my own. I couldn't stand to lose another child.

I'm fighting the urge to cut or burn or anything just to get the stress to go away! I'm trying to be strong, but it's so tough! I'll probably end up cutting tonight...

Well, sorry this post was so long, just needed to vent...

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(no subject) [Jan. 2nd, 2005|01:23 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues
heres the jist of it:

just recentally, i had a friend from school who hung himself & another who tried to kill herself, and now shes in Oregon in rehab. Part of her therapy is, is that she writes home to ehr mother about things that have gone on. In her most recent letter, she said that me, her, and a few of our other friends had made this suicide pact. I found all this out from my parents. My parentsknow because my friends mom had called upo the head of guidence at our school, who also happens to be my guidence councler. He called my parents and told them of this suicide pact. He also said that he had talked to me about it. And that he had called the other parents whose kids were involved. Two being Cassidy and Byron. I asked both of them if they knew anything about this pact...both said no. And more importantly, Stan, my gc, had never talked to me about this pact! So now, my parents think that i am lying about that.

Thursday night, i went to the mall with a few friends (Brianna, Mike, Sam and me) then Brianna and I went to the movies and met Steve and Fonze. The two of them were being dicks, and wouldnt stop talking the entire movie, so Bri and i left and went the the pizza place, and then waled back up to the movie theatre where i was then going to call my parents to pick me up. When i got there, my dad was already there, and he had my mom on the phone. I told them that Bri and i left early cause we couldnt hear what was going on &it was pointless to stay. My mom doesnt believe that we were actually at the movies. I told her the 100% percent truth, but she still thinks i am lying!

I hate all these damn lies!

On top of this, my cousin, Katie, has cancer...she is 22 with a major in journalism & her entire life ahead of her. The doctors dont give her much time, so they took her off life support.

My dad has been out of work since i was in 6th grade, and so my mom has been going into NYC from 6:30 am till 7:00 pm. What she makes still isnt enough to support our family. Our financials are shit right now.

My parents are on the brink of divorce, but wont because they arent sue how me & my rother would handle it. My dad says that my mom wants a divorce and wants to sell the house, but mom denies ever saying that. (just another lie in my life...i think?)

Ive been cutting since i was in 8th grade. Mom took me to a shrink a soon as she found out about it. that didnt do anything, so i told them i was ok, just so i could stop seeing Dr. Rockwood (my shrink). that worked up until freshman year when my parents realized that i was cutting again. They took me to see a new shrink, Mary-Beth Kneiss. that didnt work out either. so now i am going to Dr. Phish. shes a load of crap, so i want to find someone else. Bri got me the name and number of one of her old shrinks Dr. Emily Adams. my mom found out about it and she seemed upset, so i just dropped it all together. I didnt want to cause more stress at home then there already is.

With all this, ive really got nobody to turn to, nobosy i could rely on. Not anymore anyways.

In 2nd grade, i met this girl, Colleen. We stuck to eachother like glue. I told her everything. We were best friends up until 6th grade. We drifted apart and she told the kids at school everything. Ya see, i went to a Catholic school (8th grade grad class of 52), so word traveled fast. She compleyely broke my trust. Then i found Amy in 7th grade. She was my new person i could confide in. Then in 9th grade, i went to the public school and she went th Pope John, the Catholic hs affiliated w. Revrend Brown (my K-8 Catholic school). All of the sudden she stopped talking to me and treated me like dirt just because i went to a public school. Then in Sparta (my current hs), i met Kendra and Byron the 2nd half of 9th grade. we immediately became real close. We confined in eachother. We all cut, but not together. For the rest of freshman year, the 3 of us were best friends. Then 10th grade rolled around...

Toward the beginning of sophmore year, Byron asked me out. we were together for about a month. Whilke we were going out, thats when Kendra tried to kill herself & Matt hung himself. That same year, one of Byrons friends up in NH died from an OD on heroin. So her best friend killed herself...she was also Byrons friend. Then the thing with Matt and Kendra happened...that really tore him apart. He needed someone to be there for him...someone he could trust...i was that person & he was that person for me. Then we broke up in the beginning of December. He started cutting himself over me & started to cut off ties with people. I was one of the only people he would talk to abouthow he was feeling, but now he doesnt even talk to me! I am worried about him! When he did that, i lost him as someone i could turn to.

Ya see, i am losing everyone ive ever cared about & losing everything about my life in the process...

It seems as if ive hit rock bottom & i dont know how to get back up again!

Im not sleeping, im depresed, i cut, i dont eat...im not hungry at all, and i am starting my "fake happy" again. The only person i have is Bri, and i am afraid to get too close to her in fear of losing her too!

im sorry this entry was so long, i just needed to get it out!

any help would be greatly appreciated!

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