||[Mar. 4th, 2005|11:28 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues
|||||my console // eiffle 65||]|
god... it seems like forever since i've last been depressed, and i was so happy... i thought i had finally stopped being depressed... but, alas, i've fallen again. the past few nights i've been contemplating killing myself, and i'm trying to not tell my boyfriend about it... i don't need him worried. but, god, the lust for death is so strong... i want to just die. i took the blade out of a pencil sharpener we had around the house to cut with, and i've cut myself a little bit. not much... but enough.
i've been crying at the littlest of things, and i always have this feeling in my chest... it's just this feeling of overwhelming grief... like someone close to me died, or i lost my favorite posesion.
i had hoped that i had finally won the battle against myself... i thought i was going to go back to being happy... but, no, of course not. will i ever truly win this? will i ever be happy again? i can only hope
thanks for reading my ramblings... i posted it on here because i know that my boyfriend won't be able to read it... i may put this in my journal, under a friends only post... :-/ not sure, though...
i hope everyone's been doing ok