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god... it seems like forever since i've last been depressed, and i… - dementedxcore [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues

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[Mar. 4th, 2005|11:28 pm]
dementedxcore - talk about your issues


[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |my console // eiffle 65]

god... it seems like forever since i've last been depressed, and i was so happy... i thought i had finally stopped being depressed... but, alas, i've fallen again. the past few nights i've been contemplating killing myself, and i'm trying to not tell my boyfriend about it... i don't need him worried. but, god, the lust for death is so strong... i want to just die. i took the blade out of a pencil sharpener we had around the house to cut with, and i've cut myself a little bit. not much... but enough.

i've been crying at the littlest of things, and i always have this feeling in my chest... it's just this feeling of overwhelming grief... like someone close to me died, or i lost my favorite posesion.

i had hoped that i had finally won the battle against myself... i thought i was going to go back to being happy... but, no, of course not. will i ever truly win this? will i ever be happy again? i can only hope

[le sigh]

thanks for reading my ramblings... i posted it on here because i know that my boyfriend won't be able to read it... i may put this in my journal, under a friends only post... :-/ not sure, though...

i hope everyone's been doing ok

[User Picture]From: bekkypk
2005-03-05 02:22 pm (UTC)
Many hugs. I don't know if it's releted, but i get like that about a week before my *coughs* thingy... my hormones are screwed so bad. But they make me feel like that, and it's rare i come out of it without some damage, so *hugs*
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